Episode 3 How to make friends & network after 40
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Jen: [00:00:00] Vibes, vibes, vibes instead of spooky vibes. I mean, that's what it's
Lauren: about. Let's be honest. The vibes attract your tribes, which is what we're gonna start talking about today, which is how to make
Jen: friends and network after 40. You know what? This topic is really funny to me because like it seems like no one talks about this.
But I mean, even after, after you get outta college, it's like how do you meet people and make friends, you know? Yeah. Well, I think,
Lauren: I think one of the hardest things, well, here's the thing, af you know, when you're in school, it's obvious. You become friends with your classmates, and then when you graduate, you go to work, and then you become friends with your coworkers.
Mm-hmm. But when you work by yourself . There's a whole other, there's just, you don't have those, those people around you and you really have to actually get out and go look for those friendships and go connect. And that's really [00:01:00] business and sales 1 0 1 is just connecting with others.
And so we really wanna do this episodes as kind of a updated advice of, how do you really authentically network and make friends and, and especially after. Covid, we're in a whole new era right now. Things are completely different because I think people are starving for real connection now.
You know, af especially after being online for so mu, you know much and not being able to be in person. I think that there is, a whole new. Desire to really have connection.
Jen: Yeah, I agree with you. I mean, okay, so before we even met, I really would say that I never made friends online. I wasn't like, even though people would follow my Instagram or like connect on Facebook, it's not like I actually made any super tight connections.
Mm-hmm. I wanna say that the majority of the [00:02:00] people that I met after. 30 after 25 was because of work. And I was always, until I became a coach working in environments where there were a lot of people. Yeah. So it was easy to like make friends in that sense, there was something that happened during Covid and needing to be home.
Jen (2): Mm-hmm.
Jen: And then not actually understanding how to decipher between the energy of somebody just like popping into my dms to sell me something, or somebody genuinely popping into my dms because they wanted to connect on a real level. Yeah. You know, it's, I feel like I had to learn it.
Lauren: Absolutely. And I think that.
That's really the, it's the energy is really what you can read when somebody reaches out. Like how does that feel? And for everyone listening, it is possible to meet friends online. That's how me and Jen met. Mm-hmm. And at this point, I've actually have met quite a few people that I've met online in person now.
And I think that's a really great place to start is just [00:03:00] being open. And not having any expectations. And I think that was, and I think back to mine and Jen's friendship that. Literally was like, kind of like a cold DM on some level, to be honest. Right. Because we didn't know each other.
Jen (2): Mm-hmm.
Lauren: And you waved to me and then I waved back. So there was this, how do you break the ice without feeling like you're gonna go sell somebody? Because I think as soon as somebody pops into our dms or emails us or after, we're kind of like, okay, what do they want from us?
Jen: Yeah. I mean, and especially now in the world where it's very common to have an online business.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And sell through DMing people and you know, with the world having shifted as it did it is. More cause for concern. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Is this person a real human being? Like, am I being catfish right now? Are they trying to sell me something? Yeah. Can I trust them if I like message with them?
You know, it's a whole different level of meeting [00:04:00] people online.
Lauren: Yeah, absolutely. I think that. It's beautiful. I think that social media can be that double-edged sword and it really has opened a whole world for us to connect with people all around the world. And I think that. There's a part of us that it's, I think it's good to be open and have that online presence because God, you know, you know how beautiful it is for us to have a voice, to reach so many people and to really allow that to be a tool for us.
But how to navigate that and how me and Jen have kind of learned is it really is the intention behind it. So we can take an action, we can reach out to somebody, but it's why are you doing it? And if you're reaching out to somebody because you're trying to sell them or you have an attachment to an outcome, that's when things can feel really icky.
And I think that one of the main points that we're gonna really talk about today on this episode is. How do you not try to force things, right? How do you know that you want to connect with [00:05:00] people, not only just for friendships, but also for business and eventually, you know, to sell, to assign clients or make money.
There's a, it's all through connection, so how does that actually come through in a very genuine way? And it, there's a few different factors, and I think first of it is the intention of when and why you're reaching out and not trying to force and not having any attachment to an outcome.
Jen: Yeah. I, I think that too is something that we learn over time through the process of doing it.
Yeah. Because even now, I, okay, so now, you know, I've been living in Mexico City, hence we are here in my studio, and I think that just this year I've gotten good at deciphering . Who I am actually feeling a real connection with. Mm-hmm. And who is a person who I'm just meeting and [00:06:00] may or may not see them again.
And learning how to be okay with that. Because at first, having gotten this opportunity to actually meet people in person mm-hmm. I was so excited. I would take everybody's phone number and then make plans and then have to cancel them because like, I really don't have. A social battery like I did when I was maybe younger or, I don't know, just in a different place in my life.
Yeah. And so being here. I had to learn over the past year like, oh, do I have a real connection with this person or am I just trying to stack my contact list for no other reason than I just am really interested in actually making friends? So it's almost like accepting anybody as my friend, but.
Amber's a little bit more discerning when it comes to getting people's information. I'm just like, Hey, it's nice to meet you. Let me, maybe we can connect later. And maybe 20% of the people who I do connect with, I do [00:07:00] actually create like a bond and a friendship with, which is, in my case, it's a lot of people.
Yeah. Because here in Mexico City and Lauren seeing this . There, there are a ton of people. She, she's made friends while she's been here over the past two days. Yeah. Yeah. It, it's,
Lauren: it's been very easy to make people meet new friends here. But yeah, there is a discerning, and I think this is also like relevant with business because I.
We're not, we are not trying to talk with everybody. We're not, everyone's not gonna be our ideal client or who we're meant to talk with. And so our ability to discern like who we're really trying to connect with and then be very intentional about the people that we're wanting to connect with and wanting to call in.
And I think one of my skills, or one of the things that I'm known for is helping people make a lot of money with a very small audience. So. You don't need to be friends with everybody. You don't need to have a huge following. I had th like couple hundred people on my email list, 300 people on my email list, 1500 followers on [00:08:00] social media, and I've made like multiple six figures.
Mm-hmm. So it's not like it's our ability to just be like, no, I just need to find the right people, but I don't need to find everybody.
Jen: Okay. I have a question for you because I'm imagining that a lot of the people listening out here mm-hmm. Right? Are , say they're living somewhere outside of a big city.
Mm-hmm. And they are running a business from home and their day to day is like running the business from home. Maybe like taking the kids to school and picking them up from school. Mm-hmm. For the most part, they're like in their smaller town and they're like not, they're not finding the same type of opportunities as somebody who's like nomadic or somebody who like doesn't have any kids and just decide to live in a big city.
What advice would you give 'em? Yeah,
Lauren: a couple of things. Um. This is a good, great question. First off, it's, there's just people all around you, so your ki [00:09:00] the parents of the kids, maybe they're, you can meet friends through there or clients, right? You just never know, like every single person that you come in contact with is a potential connection,
so to judge that the person is , the barista at the coffee shop or the PTA mom or, so like we're constantly. Coming into contact with people just as we are living our life in our normal day-to-day life. So that's one thing I think if you want to then expand outside of just being open to what's around you, I think online right?
Is, is definitely an option to go and find. I mean, and here's the thing. There are so many apps out there right now, like meetup.com true. , What's the other one? Eventbrite, Bumble bff. So there's. I think that you can use technology to connect you with the right people to then meet up,
because it sometimes might be hard to find the people around you, and especially if you've lived in the same town for a while, you're like, I've met everyone here. But I live in a small town in Sayulita. It's tiny, [00:10:00] and I've been there for three and a half years and I always am like, I met everybody, but I keep on meeting people that I haven't met and I was like, oh my gosh.
And they're like, oh, I've been here for eight years. I'm like, how have we not met? Eight years? Yeah. So, and I, you guys, this town is like six to 12,000 people, depending on the time of year. That's 12,012, sorry.
Jen: 1200. Yes. Yeah, I wanna say , I looked it up and it was like maybe up to 3000 and that's it.
Lauren: 3000. Yeah. No, it's I think it's closer to 6,000. It's, it's, anyways, it's a tiny town. Yeah. Under 10,000. How about that? So, I, as somebody who, Jen lives in Mexico City, which is huge. I'm in a tiny town and through this community, through just actually being myself and going to the places that I enjoy, I've met my right people.
So I think one of the best ways to meet people is figure out what lights me up, what, where do, what do I wanna do? What's gonna make me happy and then go do that because the people that you are like, you are gonna be doing that thing, right? So for instance, [00:11:00] pottery, when I was in my mid twenties, I actually was really into volleyball and I like signed up for a bunch of local volleyball groups and I made like a ton of friends,
so when we're just thinking about when you wanna connect with people, what lights you up, and then go find people with like similar. Ideas or, want to do the same things. And that's, I think some of the best ways, just combination of opening your eyes, just being literally open to somebody popping into your routine, using the internet as a tool, using apps as tool, and being very specific about who you actually wanna be friends with and being discerning.
Jen: Yeah, I think it's important that what you just said about staying open. Mm-hmm. Because I know that there are. There's a lot of people, , who are like anti app. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna date on apps. Like, why would I meet somebody on an app? You know what I mean? Yeah. There's just , even though it's like very prevalent that we work with apps all the time.
Yeah. People don't think that maybe [00:12:00] the meeting a person. Because of an app is like a more shallow way to meet people than if they organically did it in person.
Lauren: It's just a tool. It's just a tool and it's how you're gonna use it. And there are people on apps with shitty attitudes and closed off and there are people on apps that are so open and like ready.
And I think that's a big part of it is actually. Being open to it, like how often are we just like walking around our lives, like in our zone zones on our phone, right? Yeah. This is just like literally being an open energy. And one of the biggest lessons that I've learned in my life and in my business right now is my ability to open my heart.
Jen (2): Mm.
Lauren: Because, and making friends and networking has always been very easy for me. Now, granted, I've done the things you shouldn't do networking, which we'll talk about at some point, but. It comes down to just really being able to be comfortable with yourself. Really just being open and the more open you are and the open energy, even body language,
like [00:13:00] not being on your phone, just being like in the intention to be like, Hey, something different can pop, pop in. That's all it could take. And that's what it was with me and you.
Jen: Yeah,
Lauren: and I think about that with guys I've met or other friendships. For example, one of my clients. I met her and she hired me because I rented an Airbnb from her.
And when I went over to see the Airbnb, we, she's what do you do? And I told her, she's , oh shit, I need to hire you. And then we went to lunch, and then she hired me, and now we're friends. You know? So you just never know.
Jen: Yeah. You really never know. I think that, also my thought around like in that scenario of living in like a smaller town mm-hmm.
Outside of a city. Mm-hmm. Like not knowing where or how to network. Like you, if you don't have like a group in your town yet, you can be the one to start it. Yeah. I know this sounds like it might sound like a lot because if you're, especially if you're an introverted person, but this is something that Lauren was a.
About to start [00:14:00] doing in the town that she lives in, because we have been talking about get yourself into entrepreneurial networking groups. Yep.
Lauren: You know? Yeah. And that's the thing where it's , if you don't, if you don't have it there, create it. Because I promise you, if you're craving it, there are other people out there that are craving it too.
And I think that one of the things that, because a big part of my work is around embodiment, is around. Really being connected to ourselves. And I bet that there are a lot of you out there being , okay, this is great advice. That sounds good. I know, I actually know what I need to do. Like a lot of this is , yeah, this is like, you know, but the thing that's actually keeping you stuck is your emotions.
The fear, the fear of rejection, feeling awkward, those things that happen when we like put ourselves out there, because that's what making friends and networking is your ability to be seen. Your ability to actually open up and let people in. So part of this is definitely tactical, [00:15:00] right?
Mm-hmm. But a huge part of this is actually internal and we're always, I can always tell what I am. Really aligned to myself and really aligned to my work because I don't actually have to make a lot of effort to sign clients and make friends because people are coming to me because I'm just really open and my energy is open.
But it also requires, for a lot of things, it's just to put myself out there. And because I've done it so much and I've really have learned how to overcome rejection and have worked with my emotions, and I don't let that things hold me back. And because I've done it so many times now, and especially when me and Jen, we, we were expat.
We became expats. Living in Mexico in our forties. So that means we both had to make brand whole new groups of friends mm-hmm. All in the last couple years. And so we just went through, , we went through this of pretty much like starting over. Of course we have our, our old friends still. But when you move to new places, and I've done this a few times now where I've just kind of been, you know, bounced around [00:16:00] and it really is a, it's, it's a skillset.
I've gotten really good at it because I've done it so much. So if you haven't done it for a while, if you haven't made a new friend for a while, if you haven't been networking for a while, you're a little bit, you're this, you're like, I really wanna do this, but I feel scared. I just want you to honor that.
That's a real thing. And that's what I call emotional coding in our body, and that's our emotions that are in our way. You don't have a motivational problem, you don't have a inspirational problem. It's just that there is literally coding in your body that's just like, keep me safe. Keep me safe, right?
So sometimes I would just say too that allow yourself to do it a little scared or stop and process your emotions, feel the feelings, and then do it anyways. And that's gonna be a big part of this is we can give you all, and all of our episodes, we can give you the strategy and help, help you see some of the actions to take.
But it's your actual willingness to step outta your comfort zone, which is what makes making friends and networking so hard and why [00:17:00] people don't actually do it.
Jen: Yeah. Especially as we get older too. Yeah. It, interestingly enough here, there was an opportunity for Amber and I to meet people while we thought we were visiting.
We really thought we were only gonna visit for a month, and I found. So this was a, wasn't even a business Facebook group. Mm-hmm. But I was like, I wanna see if I could find things to do while we're here with people who are like local, like more local. Uh, and I found this Facebook group for like, Americans living in Mexico City or like expats living in Mexico City.
Mm-hmm. And I was just like scrolling the group and it come across a post that was like supper club. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh my God. A supper club. I've never been to one of those before. I had no idea they were hosting something called The Story Tell. And I was like, oh, this sounds interesting because you know the story.
Are you familiar with The Moth? [00:18:00] Do you know what I'm talking about when I say The Moth?
Lauren: No, I haven't heard of
Jen: it. Okay, so the Moth is this. It's basically a storytelling community, and they have events where amateur storytellers can stand up,
Jen (2): fun and tell a
Jen: story. Yeah, it's really cool. And I, I've been liking it since I was in New York today.
I've never gone to an actual moth event, but I've gone to a adjacent type of things. Mm-hmm. And so I was interested in the supper club because. Of the storytelling aspect of it. So Amber and I decide to go to it and it's at this women's house. I was scared because , like I said, I've never done anything like this before.
Yeah. And we don't, we know nobody here in Mexico City, so we go to this women's house and I was like. Oh my goodness. I'm so uncomfortable. I'm in somebody's house right now and I'm going to eat dinner with a bunch of strangers. 'cause the tables weren't restaurant style. They were like family style, right?
Yeah. There was only like two different tables you could sit at and everybody's , place [00:19:00] was around those tables. Mm-hmm. And so I was like. Let's do this, you know? And so we get into it. The food happened to be vegan, which I'm vegetarian and it's sometimes hard to find like food that I can eat. So I was pleasantly surprised.
Yeah. That this woman was a vegan chef cooking for the supper club. And we start doing this story tell, which happened to be like the greatest icebreaker
Lauren: I've ever. Oh, I can imagine. You know, because it's like you write because you tell stories and it tells like it's. So much of, of tells us so much about that person.
Yes. And the
Jen: storytelling theme was a crossroads. Mm. And so the theme was so easy 'cause they, she didn't wanna tell you what to say in it. Mm-hmm. And so everybody had to interpret the theme for themselves. And not everybody had to talk, but if you wanted to speak, you would just feel moved to speak.
You'd raise your hand and you'd tell a story. I was like, I've never been so nervous in my life to tell a story and I could feel [00:20:00] my heart beating out of my chest. And I like happened to tell the story of how I came out. I was like, wow, I really dove in right there. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And so now a year later, maybe?
Yeah, about a year later, she, the woman who threw the supper club is one of our best friends here in Mexico City. She literally lives. Two floors below us and I was like, I have never in my life been that bold to do something that daring. And maybe it was just , oh, the lightness of it being a vacation and not like a business trip or like a business networking thing was what made the difference.
So. Also keep that in mind. I think the word networking sometimes has a stigma around it, and what it means to us is like, oh, I have to act a certain way and carry my business card and be about my business. But really what you're doing is you're [00:21:00] just connecting, like what you were saying in the in the beginning.
Absolutely. I think that. We misconstrue what networking really means. Yeah. Because now there's like this idea of who you need to become when you're networking and telling people about your business, but people like working with people who they
Lauren: like. Totally. And I think that's the big thing where when it comes to networking when we, 'cause we put pressure on it, like you said, where it's like, okay, now I'm gonna go do my business thing.
And we're often. You know, let's be honest, most people go to networking because it's like part of their marketing.
Jen (2): Mm-hmm.
Lauren: And marketing is to get your word out there. So it's like, you know, part of selling. And so we think that when we're out marketing that we need to be sell. I mean, when we're out networking that we need to be selling ourselves, but, or like making offers.
But before somebody wants to work with you, they gotta care about you, mm-hmm. I say this all the time where it's like. People don't really care about what you do until they care about who you are and why you do it. [00:22:00] I
Jen: mean, and on top of that even is , they need to feel like you care about them.
Lauren: Exactly. Exactly. And so, you know, this is, I wanna, okay, so I wanna talk a little bit about some of the things I think are the mistakes that people make when it comes to networking and selling and the. Having an agenda or like trying to get in your elevator speech, you know, oh man, let's talk about this first.
So I'm gonna tell a story. Um, so I go back a long time in sales. I pretty much, my first job outta college was selling. I was a cold. I used to cold call automotive repair shops, right? So. I was selling marketing, sorry. So I was like, by the way, I was like 25. I was up partying all the time. I'd come in in the morning, like I was like probably one of the only females on the sales team.
And like I'd come in with my little high heels and like be like, good morning guys, and like get on my phone and start calling like automotive repair stores. And they loved me because I was, you know, a female and I was fun and I was flirty. So. [00:23:00] I got really good at rejection right off the bat. Mm. And from there I went on to really learn how to be a really good salesperson and also eventually train sales teams and people to go on and actually make like millions of dollars, these sales teams and these people.
Here's what I wanna know. Here's what I wanna say about Sales 1 0 1 and networking. What I've known for 20 years of experience, and when I started, I. Was observing people. 'cause I didn't know what I was doing. In fact, I used to call my dad crying on the phone because I hated sales so much 'cause I was just, couldn't handle a rejection.
And it took me a while to actually build that skin up a little bit. But then I was like, okay, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna learn. And I was observing the people around me and this one guy was so good at sales and I was like, what? What makes him good? What is it about this guy? So. I ended up going up to him, and by the way, lock, we ended up coming, becoming really good friends, and he became a mentor of me.
And I was like, [00:24:00] tell me everything, you know, because , I was always into learning. I always wanted to be the best. I always, was up for the challenge. And I was like, what books did you read? Tell me what do I need to do? And he's like, no, like you don't need a book. You only need one book. And I was like, what book is it?
And he is like, how To Win Friends and Influence People. Just read that book. I did. That's honestly the only sales book I ever read and it's not even a sales book, it's just how to connect with people. And it's so old. It was written in like 1920s or something like ridiculously a long time ago, but it still holds true to today because of the core principles of this book, which are basically.
, Care about others, be genuine, like really learn how to connect with other people. I actually wish I had printed out, there's like 10 principles or whatnot, but they're really basic and simple. Go read the book, go listen to the book. But the genuine, like the, [00:25:00] the takeaway is if you, if you care about other people, people are gonna care about you and really genuinely care.
And when I was. Training. Later in my career, my last job I was a director of people and culture for a mortgage company. And when I first started working there, before I worked my way up, we would hire salespeople. My job was to hire salespeople and I basically got paid to determine how successful somebody was gonna be at sales.
So at first my, the owner of the company was trying to be like, let's do assessment tests. Let's do wanting to do the, briggs and the top five and the strength finders and all that stuff. And it was interesting to kind of see when I like was looking at actually when I learned who the top salespeople were and when and actually figured out what they were doing and they were just really good at connecting and also they were really clear about their why.
So they knew why they were doing it. They were passionate, what they were doing, but they were really [00:26:00] able to connect. So eventually I built out a training program for them just to train salespeople for them to like, you know, grow their business. And I had, by the way, never sold a mortgage in my whole life, but was able to do this because I really understood the.
Basics of sales and I basically the course or like the training was them reading how to Win Friends and Influence People. How did that, how did that influence the sales team after they read it? It was like the new people that, that were coming in, so it wasn't like all the salespeople, but a majority of the people that came in did really well.
And the thing is, is I would choose people that didn't necessarily have, sales experience. I would choose people that had good connection skills over. Experience.
Jen: Mm.
Lauren: Because I was hiring like servers or people that were in the service industry.
Jen: Yeah. 'cause
Lauren: they really knew how to connect and chat and are likable.
. So I think that that's a big thing is learning how just to [00:27:00] really connect with other people. And the most important thing is, and this comes back to tying it back to, okay, well then how do I talk about me? How do I make my offers? How do I get in my elevator pitch? You know how you do that. You become really, really, really interested in the other person, and you ask them a lot of questions about themselves and then at some point they're gonna be like, wow, this person's really cool.
I like them. They're so interesting. And then they're gonna wanna ask you questions and they'll finally, they'll be like, what do you do? And then at that point. They have already have an affinity for you. They already like you. They already have a connection with you because you allowed them to talk about themselves.
And that's what we all love. We just wanna be seen, we wanna be heard. And when you can just go into any networking event or any sales meeting, any sale, consult call. And that's really my specialty is like closing consult calls and it always leading with curiosity. And that is a thing that, , and, and I say it's like curiosity and connection.
If you [00:28:00] can be curious. You can connect with somebody. If it's the right mix fit, it's going to lead to a sale without you trying.
Jen: Yeah. I actually, it's funny 'cause I read that book also and I read it because an ex of mine who was actually named Dale, which is funny, was like, you need to read this book. And I was like, okay.
And I was a bartender at the time. Mm-hmm. You know what my big takeaway was back then? It was. Everybody loves the sound of their own name. Yes. And so if you can remember people's names, yeah. It makes them feel so special. And like this can all sound like very manipulative advice depending on how you're hearing us tell you.
And. In the way that I read that book and understood it. Back then it was coming from a really genuine place. So it's not meant to be like, this is how you manipulate people, but really like I learned how to get curious [00:29:00] about people. And I, to this day, I will meet people once, but I'll remember their business.
I'll remember their name. I'll remember something recent that just happened in their lives. And it's all because I think I've trained my brain to be that curious. To the point where I'm like, oh, I remember you and I could list off a number of things about, it happened to us when we were walking through the park today when I was like, oh, I, this is so and so and she does this.
And she was like, you know,
Lauren: it's like, 'cause you make people feel special. Yeah. And that's really what it's about. And it's like the small little things.
Jen: I have to say, I'm not even trying to make people feel special at this point. It's like, I'm just genuinely curious. But that's,
Lauren: but that's part, that's the whole point which I was gonna bring back, which is how it becomes not manipulative is once again the intention behind it and why you're doing it. So if it's coming from a very natural, genuine place, and I think at this point when me and Jen sat down to record this, we're like.
, This has become so natural for us is like, how do we actually articulate this? And I think that's ultimately what we want [00:30:00] for you, where just it's not second, you're not, it's second nature to, to connect with somebody. Naturally you're not, when they're talking, you're not in your head, okay, well what question do I need to ask next or right Where it's just very of a flow thing, which I think takes some time.
Mm-hmm. But it's really when you're just connected to yourself, you're very present. You're real, you're really there. That's really when the magic happens, is that openness that. Really people can feel. Yeah. And
Jen: it's also the, um, detachment to any sort of result. Also, and this is just like , to put it in a really simple example.
This is like even this morning we were just on a walk and our intention was just to walk around this really beautiful part of. Mexico City because Lauren had remembered it from a trip she had taken before. Yeah.
Lauren: Amsterdam Street. It's beautiful.
Jen: Yeah. So beautiful. And so, you know, we could have been really like just attached to the whole, we're just gonna stick to Amsterdam [00:31:00] Street and we're just gonna do a circle around it and then walk home.
But something about crossing this one intersection where we could have gone into the park or just continued down Amsterdam Street. Mm-hmm. Amber's like, oh, let's go into the park. And Lauren's , yeah, I love the park. It was like spontaneous, being open to what was in front of us. We walked into the park and lo and behold, Lauren knows somebody at the park and it's.
It's wait a minute, she doesn't even live here.
Lauren: I'm like, there's, oh my gosh, it's Angel and Caitlin. Oh my gosh. And we had just talked about them. They're some of my DJ friends that I met in Sayulita, and they're here DJing this weekend. So I'm like, oh, maybe we'll run into, maybe we should go to their show tonight.
Lo and behold, literally five minutes later. So crazy. He's like, I'm like, there they're,
Jen: yeah. And that does take like your, like you said, like practice and cultivation because. We get so hung up. I'm saying [00:32:00] we, I'm talking about me like I can get so hung up on my plans and what, you know, what this is for, what I'm doing this for, that I can forget to just take a breather and relax into it and just really be present and enjoy the moment.
And that's something that I do like to remind myself
Lauren: of. Daily. Yeah, absolutely. And I love, oh, you know, me, I'm, my whole thing is getting out of our heads and into our body. That's like where the embodiment is, that's where the flow, that's where the guidance is when we're not just in it. And I think this is so important.
This is the biggest mistake I see when people are doing consult calls. So for those that don't know, I'm like the consult call clean queen. At this point, I've done over five or 600 consult calls, selling, coaching, or consulting. You know, closing millions of dollars in this and. I train other people on this, and here's the number one thing that people get in their mind when they're not able to sell their services or having conversations, is that they're in their head instead of in their body.
And instead of [00:33:00] just being present and allowing things to unfold, they're overthinking or they think they have to follow a script, or they're like, what do I need to, what do I need to say in order to get them to a yes. And when you're. If you're on a call or in person and you're having a conversation and that's what you're thinking, you're in your head.
And at that point, that's when it becomes manipulative and icky versus when you're just in your body present listening and just responding and having a conversation instead of trying to cover points or say the right thing. And also what I hear, what I like have known too, where it's when we try to overthink things, we overcomplicate it , when we really just can get in our bodies.
That's where the clarity comes through. And when you're just no, and you're not overthinking it, people can feel that and that feeling, that relaxedness, that not trying to force a certain conversation is the thing that creates that connection and that bond that makes people like, feel open and wanna work with you.
Jen: Yeah, I think all of this is super, [00:34:00] it's so, it's complex, but it's simple. Yeah. You know? Yeah. , Like making friends or networking in your forties is , a lot of it, and this is kind of what you were just saying, is like we're holding ourselves back because we maybe have some sort of belief about making friends Yeah.
After a certain age, like it's so normal for a lot of people to
Lauren: not. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I, I'm glad you say that because I think that we can look at other people's. Or look at our lives and think it should look a certain way or it's not the way that we think it is. But things can change drastically. If you aren't having the friendships or the connections or the networking that you want, just know that it takes some time,
it takes like practice. It puts your willingness to put out there, but it's so worth it. It's, I think about, and then I also wanna say this. Entrepreneurship is a lonely road. Yeah. Like I couldn't imagine doing this [00:35:00] alone. I, what makes it fun? What makes it worth it? What allows me to get to where I am right now is by doing it with a network of people, with friends, with clients.
It's all about our ability to really connect with somebody and very connect with them very genuinely.
Jen: Yeah.
Lauren: I.
Jen: I second that I, I really do. And as somebody who's gone through. Okay. 'cause I went through a couple years of depression, like when my business closed down and I was literally only talking to a handful of people.
It was Lauren, I was living with Amber, right? Like my friend Alexander. Mm-hmm. There's maybe two other people. My cousin. Yep. You know who I was. Talking to, and I needed that time to be in hermit mode. Yeah. To take care of myself, to get back into like a good state of mental health. And all of those things needed to be in place for me to want to even be [00:36:00] social again.
And I mean, I was like in such a state where, I remember this one time we were at Amber's house in Hawaii. Mm-hmm. And one of her friends just stopped over, just like surprise and hang out and say hi to the kids.
So he dropped by unexpectedly, which at, at this point in my life, I would welcome the friend in. I threw a fucking fit. I threw a fit, like a child throws a fit. I was like, no, I don't wanna see him. And I was like crying in the room. And Amber. Bless her heart, and I never say that, but like she was just always so patient and is always so patient with me.
She's like, you don't have to talk to anybody. And so she went out, talked to her friend, explained probably nothing. She probably didn't even say anything about it, but at that point in my life, I wasn't in this social space. So this is really us talking to you. If you're ready to make friends. Yeah.
And you're wondering how to do it 'cause you haven't done it in such a long time. This is basically like a [00:37:00] brain dump of all of the things you could possibly do that have worked for us in the past. Yeah. And hopefully it sparks some inspiration because you can do it. Yeah. I mean, it might sound super, super scary.
Because you're so used to the friends you already have and have probably had for the last 15, 20 years. And that gets to be okay too, right? You get to have your old friends and make new friends, and neither of them needs to feel better or worse. Yeah. It just gets to be new connections and it, it really does wake up something inside of you when you meet new people, you know?
Absolutely.
Lauren: And I'm so glad that you brought that up, about your depression and because it's, it's se we're all in seasons, there's. I can never be on all the time. That's not what I was born to do. , I have, I have like ebbs and flows of when I'm feeling really social and when I'm really open to meeting people.
And then there's times where I'm just like, ah, I no, like, I just wanna like be in my little Herman and be alone. So this is, yeah, it's really for those that are ready. But ah, man. [00:38:00] Right now, especially this week, being here in Mexico City with Jen and considering making another move and coming to live here for a bit, , the reason why I'm able to do that so flippantly, right?
Just be like, cool, I'll move to Mexico City. Like literally that's how I'm doing. That's how I moved to Mexico. That's how I moved to sa. It was just this. That's how I did, right, is yeah, because I've gotten really good at meeting people, so I know. I'm going to meet new friends and I'm gonna open it up.
And every single time I move to a new city, there's always a little bit of fear and there's a little bit of uncomfortableness, but it's so worth it. And now that I've been living abroad for almost, yeah, three and a half years, it'll be four years in July. I think about all the friends I've met and all the friends I have all around the world, and my mind is blown with.
The people and the experiences and the [00:39:00] expansion that I've gone through and that I've seen gen that we both have seen each other gone through. By expanding our groups and not just our friendship groups, but also our networking, which has now shaped the way our businesses and the way that we're doing businesses business and personally right now, me and Jen are heavily relying on networking for our business.
That's kind of what we're both are preferring is more in person, are just like more intimate networking and that's what we're relying on. Just to kind of give you a high behind the scenes that we're talking about this, because this is what we're doing in our business because it's. Really, and it's always been, for me, the word of mouth is my number.
Repeat clients, word of mouth referrals. That's how my business has basically stayed afloat for eight years. Mm-hmm. And it's because I really have learned and got really good at connecting and networking and making new friends. Have allowed myself to have the seasons of ups and downs, and also me evolving as a person has outgrown friends and made new friends.
Jen: I have to say this while we're talking about this, because it just occurred to [00:40:00] me that. We are taught a lot of the time online that what you need is a sales funnel and how to learn how to do ads. Yeah, right. And I've actually even seen this in some of my friends. I've seen some of my friends running ads on social media and that's great and cool and whatever.
I want to say step out on the limb and just be like, actually it's not necessary. You can, if you want to run ads, if you like the, if you like building those out or if you have the money to hire a team to do it for you. But you can do this entirely organically. Yeah. And. It's, and even if you are in a smaller town and what you do have access to is online networking groups or social media, you can use those resources with the same advice that we're kind of giving right now because.
The [00:41:00] thing about running ads is that it's kind of a cold tap on the shoulder. Yeah. From someone you haven't met. And so that person has to see your ad run at least seven times. Yeah. In order for that ad to like even really catch their eye. Yeah. And. If you are to go and actually just meet people by joining Facebook groups or meet or meetup.com groups or Eventbrite, or finding online networking groups to be doing Zoom calls with, you can meet one person on that call who you really super connect with.
They only meet you that one time, but they end up hiring you. It's a faster route sometimes, but like that skill that you need to build up is still there. You still gotta build up that skill.
Lauren: Totally.
The online space has drastically changed in the last four years since 2020. I think we joke around where people were just like, literally spending money, nothing on coaching. It was like, no big deal. Oh my goodness. But nowadays, crazy, [00:42:00] there's a much longer buying, process, right? There it takes longer for somebody to, gets a decision to actually want to work with you.
Sales, a sales cycle is the word. Thank you. A much, much longer sales cycle because in order for somebody to buy from, you wanna work with you, they have to like. They have to trust and they have to know you. And that can happen over social media or YouTubes or videos over time. But if you meet somebody in person and you have an experience or interaction that like they could feel it, it, changes it just like that.
Jen (2): That's
Lauren: right. So this is our, about our ability and once again, going back to working smarter instead of harder when you can really be open and be a state where. You're feeling really comfortable with yourself. You're being yourself. You're loose. You're just out there talking to people that can make you a very magnetic thing because you're not in this like graspy, needy place where you're like needing things to happen.
And when you're able to really lean back and be in this receptive mode, it makes things easier [00:43:00] for you to connect with people so that you don't have to work as hard or do even social media like there are. I think that yes, I think social media is amazing and for sure use it in your business. It's a beautiful tool.
But you're also able to cut through the, to the connection faster
Jen: by
Lauren: in
Jen: person. Yes. And I will say this too, if you are an introverted person, this isn't to say that you need to act fake bring, okay, I'm gonna say this with. Take this advice with a grain of salt. I was gonna say, take an anchor friend with you who makes you feel comfortable.
But there's a trap in that where if you go with somebody who makes you feel comfortable, you could just end up hanging out with them in a corner all night long. Yeah. So it's also gotta be a friend who's . A talkative social friend who's gonna like, introduce you. Lauren is this friend for me, right?
I'm trying to be that friend for her here. And that's a good city. She is. But like go with that friend who's Hey, so and so, this is my friend. So-and-so, you [00:44:00] know what I mean? , You want to, don't go with your friend who's also a hermit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like go and , be willing to split off from your friend.
You
Lauren: know? Yeah, absolutely. And just be open. Like I said, you just never know. One of my favorite stories recently is I was up in Long Beach with my dad at a record store. Oh yeah. And I started talking to. This woman who had, oh yeah, she commented on my earrings. I had one actually, I had these earrings on and she's , I love your earrings.
I'm like, oh, I bought them. I got them in Ulta, Mexico. And we started talking and that one conversation turned into, we had so much in common, so we exchanged numbers and now we're friends. And now she's in one of my programs. Right. So it's just , you just never right. You just never know. And I think it's just allowing that and it's, it is just the energy being open.
It's you deciding that, you know what, I'm gonna start small. I'm just gonna be open to being open in my own routine. Mm-hmm. And then from there, maybe you're using apps or trying to lo local, lo , locate [00:45:00] people in your area.
Jen (2): Mm-hmm.
Lauren: Then maybe you're trying online. I think another thing too is depending, you know, on how much you wanna spend, but like going to retreats or going to p going places that your people are.
Right. And once again, just doing this with no expectations except going and having fun.
Jen: Yeah, there. That's the, that's the, that's the thing. That's the thing. Yeah. If you're going to expect to sell a bunch of, you know, whatever place seats in your program, if you're going and you're hoping to like, sign that $50,000 client, it's, you're going with this energy that people can feel off of you.
Right. It is. Yeah, it's because as soon as somebody talks to me and I feel like they're about to try and sell me something, I've already shut off.
Lauren: Totally.
So going back to this like being grasping, repelling energy. I like to, so we'll probably talk more about this in the next episodes or something, but. My main focus, like my main focus for the last couple years, even over [00:46:00] prioritizing my business, has been dating and love.
Now finding a soulmate is a lot like finding soulmate clients and soulmate friends. And it's been fun. I mean, I can't probably, at this point, maybe I've gone on like 41st dates. Wow. Or something like a really, and this is the last couple of years. So I think back to, you know, you think about, okay, well what determines.
What makes a connection and what not? So there's been times where I've gone on dates and I remember like the very first date, the guy was like, oh my gosh, I really like you. Like if this works out, I. Because at this point I didn't have a car. 'cause I've been, you know, living in Mexico, I'll be like, I have an extra car, you can use my car.
It was just like, I wanna take you to Hawaii. This is like the first date you guys like, this is like, whoa, this is so much. Or I've had where people are like, I like you, do you like me? Like on the, like within like minutes of meeting people. Seriously. And it's like, those are the ones where I'm like.
They are trying way too hard. And then there's been other people who, first time we're meeting, we're be sitting at a bar and [00:47:00] 30 minutes in and we're like making out at the bar.
Jen: Mm-hmm.
Lauren: , What ma, what determines, you know, this, this, like what a connection is, is a, if like they're meant to be, you know, when it comes to dating, there's a certain vibe, but it's, are we on the same vibe?
Is there energy? Because if the guys that. We're kind of like really, really into me. Every single one of them, I didn't wanna see any of them. And of course we like think we wanna hear that, but it's like all about the right timing. If we don't feeling it, it's not being reciprocated.
Jen: Mm-hmm.
Lauren: So it's like being able to match somebody.
You guys are both on the same wave. And that's the same thing with clients and with friends, is that neither of them are more needy than the other. Are both like, yeah, let's do this. There's like a vibe that's there and it's our ability. How we really are able to close the gap, especially with friendships and clients, is our ability to connect, which is our ability to be open and our ability to be vulnerable.
Yeah.
Jen: Actually, yes,
Lauren: especially for dating, you're like our [00:48:00] ability to, my ability to be vulnerable and open up and let guys in is the lesson I had to learn in order to, to find love.
Jen: Actually, that's. That is the lesson that you also learn, not you, but like us, right? Mm-hmm. Everybody when you start marketing your services online.
Yeah. Which is weird to say, because I have done some things to like sell things that I don't like, and I don't mean like. Speed picks. I mean like over oversharing. Yeah. That's a thing too. Yeah. But in order to know which stories are okay for you, like you've gotta make that decision for yourself.
Yep. Right. I feel really comfortable now telling almost any story. You know what I mean? Yeah. From like my past or my current circumstances and being very, very mindful of not like letting that turn into trauma dumping.
Lauren: Yes.
Jen: Also, right? Please get therapists. You're not trying to turn your friends, your partners, anybody, your business partner into your therapist.
But [00:49:00] learning what that balance is of being able to just be open and be vulnerable and creating a real connection. Yeah. You know what I mean? With somebody. We're in our forties. You know how to do that. You know how to have a real conversation. Yeah. If you're listening to this podcast, I don't think that you're somebody who's really clueless on this matter.
Yeah, yeah. You know?
Lauren: Yeah. And I think just once, and I, I wanna end with this, is allow this to be fun. That's really it. And that's you'll hear us say this over and over and over again. Just don't overthink it. Go in with a little bit of space because it's in that space that magic can happen and the unknown can happen.
And when you're just doing it for the fun of it, it makes it a, it makes it more fun and the right things are gonna happen and people can feel that. And also too, if you think about going, when you go into a party, the person that's having fun is where people wanna be the right, the one that's like in the corner, like with their drink or eating, like eating or whatever, or being nervous.
That's not what's tracking it, right? [00:50:00] Go and just be yourself. Be open. Have
Jen: fun. Yeah. And if it's not you, if that's not your natural state of being, then I am here to say that you, if you want it bad enough, you can learn how to do it, but do it scared. Yeah. Let yourself do it. Scared. Yeah. Anyways, we believe in
Lauren: you.
Jen: You can do
Lauren: this and we'll be back with another episode. Thanks for tuning in. Bye.